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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25326703">Absolute Devotion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosy_Posy66/pseuds/Rosy_Posy66'>Rosy_Posy66</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, First Time, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Miscommunication, Nervousness, Smut, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Virginity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:09:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,364</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25326703</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosy_Posy66/pseuds/Rosy_Posy66</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>With soulmates, it's supposed to be easy. But things are never easy with John and Sherlock.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sherlock Holmes/John Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Some brooding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Phew - I wrote something. Multiple chapters actually thoughts and feelings you should be proud.  I hope you enjoy it. I would not have posted this if I didn't have a resolution for you but we will see I may feel compelled to write after the ending they are just so adorbs.</p><p>- RC</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John traced the black outline on his wrist. He would die if he was called a romantic but he was unnaturally drawn to his soulmate mark. From the first time he'd heard the story of soul bonds, he had been kind of hooked on the idea that somewhere out in the world someone was walking the earth made to be his other half. Obviously, he'd grown up since then and knew that even if there was someone made for him chances are he would never find them. So he made do. He had thousands of partners during his years. Sex had become the same as eating to John now and far distanced from is painfully idolized image of when he would meet his soulmate. </p><p>Everything changed when he met Sherlock though. He was thrown into a world of insane experiments and terrifying cases and for better or worse he was stuck there. The mad man held his attention in a way no one else would. In the beginning, he had tried to keep up his old lifestyle but Sherlock seemed to disapprove and for some reason, John found it impossible to fight against. </p><p>He was supremely fucked. It was possible he was a tiny bit infatuated with his flatmate. Bonds outside of soulmateship rarely worked out. Both partners were too desperate to find their true bond. Did Sherlock even have a soulmate? Now that he thought about it he'd never seen the mark. He tried to push the thought out of his head. No. John does not do this. It's an invasion of privacy he can keep what he wants to himself. </p><p>The thought wouldn't leave him alone. They sat at dinner that night in uncharacteristic silence. Why would someone hide their mark? Was it someone famous? John pushed the potato around on his plate with a fork. <br/>"Sherlock." He said abruptly, "Have you ever thought about trying to track down your soulmate? I mean surely with Mycroft's resources it would be easily attainable."</p><p>Sherlock stiffened in his chair. What was John talking about? Did he really think that Sherlock's someone was out there somewhere? And that Sherlock was lusting after the idea of them? </p><p>"I don't think they'd be too happy to see me.  I mean after waiting their whole life I'm sure I'd be something of a disappointment."<br/>"What?!?" John spluttered in response. He longed to take Sherlock in his arms and prove to him just how worthy he was. But he knew that wasn't what Sherlock wanted and besides his soulmate was out there somewhere too.<br/>"But… they're your soulmate." He muttered feebly. <br/>"Surely you can't believe all that nonsense. That your soulmate will forgive you anything." He sounded so bitter if John didn't know better he would swear he was talking from experience.<br/>"I… They're supposed to be made perfect for you." John stammered. He turned a bright shade of pink. What was he saying?</p><p>Sherlock felt strange. Why was John acting like this? Why was he pretending to be all supportive about this now? John didn't care about the sanctity of the soul bond. The near-constant parade of women he traipsed about the house said as much. <br/>"Do you really believe that? That if you met your soulmate it would all go away. All the bad."</p><p>"Yes," John said firmly. <br/>"But what if your soulmate doesn't want you?" John's heart cracked in two at that. <br/>"They will always want you. That's why they're your soulmate." John reached out to trail his fingers over Sherlock's hand but he snatched his fingers away. <br/>"I have some experimenting to do before bed." He said and all but ran from the room. </p><p>Sherlock threw himself down on the bed. It wasn't fair. He had spent so long coming to terms with the fact that John didn't want him. And now this. He uncuffed the button on his wrist and ran his fingers over the design. God must truly hate him. Being near John was the world and to know John didn't feel the same killed him every day. Someone must have got it wrong John wasn't even gay. Tears brimmed at the edge of Sherlock's eyes but he fought against them. Sentiment. He sniffed, Mycroft was right. Searching out his soulmate had been a terrible idea. He would never be wanted the way he so desperately craved. </p><p>John sat at the kitchen table in despair. What had happened to Sherlock to make him have so little faith in love. If John were to ever meet this mystery woman, he would wring her neck. It wasn't right. He struggled to think of something he could do to help, but he wasn't Sherlock's soulmate. Oh if only he were life would be so much easier. That's when it came to him. He could do it. Track down this mystery soulmate and restore Sherlock's faith in himself. Or kill the bastard if that didn’t work out</p><p>"Sherlock. I'm going out." John hollered through the flat. No response. Sherlock must not be up yet. John himself hadn't gotten a wink of sleep tossing and turning all night, thinking about how best to go about his plan. One thing was for certain though he would need Mycroft's help. He spent about 15 minutes trying to hail a cab. How did Sherlock do this with such ease? </p><p>“Diogenes club please driver,” he asked when he finally managed to get a cab.<br/>“Fancy man then are ya?” replied the cabbie<br/>“Not really. I’m friends with the owner”<br/>“Sounds fancy to me.” <br/>A silence fell over the cab and John desperately tried to plan what he would say to Mycroft. Funny how he’d thought about it all night but not this bit. Mycroft wouldn’t necessarily be at the club when he arrived either would he, in fact, he might not be there all day. He really should have called ahead. Oh well, he thought I’ll wait forever if I have to. </p><p>Where was John going? It was so early. Probably just trying to get away from me. Sherlock mused to himself. No that wasn’t fair John may have rejected him as a soulmate but he had always been a decent friend. God that conversation last night must have fucked him up. It just didn’t make any sense. John was a romantic pining after his soulmate. What did he think was going to happen. That he was going to find another one? Or was it possible that he didn’t know? </p><p>No, it wasn’t Sherlock had made sure to flash him his bare wrist as soon as they met. He knew John had seen it. He was certain. Then there was the whole. “I’m not gay.” “This isn’t a date.” “He’s not my boyfriend.” Sherlock had been rejected over and over again. He had heard of one-sided soulmate ships before though. That the marks looked different to different people. It must be that. So John hadn’t even meant to reject him. Sherlock was just so unloveable that he didn’t even have a soulmate. At least not a proper one. </p><p>But to him, John would always be his soulmate. Even if it was only one-sided. He didn’t know what else to do. What happened if John found some other soulmate some kind of real soulmate. He’d always been certain it hadn’t worked like that, but maybe he’d been wrong. The secret fireplace draw called to him. No. He mustn't. That would be one thing that really would upset John. After all the trouble with his sister. Sherlock being a junky. He would just cut him off right there. Then again he’d never have John the way he yearned for him; maybe it would be better this way. He needed to get out of that house. </p><p>Sherlock marched through the park. His mind was whirling. He didn’t like this. It was so much sentiment. He was supposed to stay neutral but how could he when it felt like he couldn’t breathe. So John wanted his soulmate. Or at least he was pretending to in order to further his story of not knowing it was Sherlock. Was he trying to get Sherlock to make a move? But why after all this time? Sherlock didn’t know how to deal with emotions like this when his whole life he’d been taught to run from them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Meeting with Mycroft and Miscommunication</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John had been waiting on the leather chair for what felt like hours. He knew Mycroft was busy and important but he was usually very protective of his younger brother and relatively fast to get in contact with him. A sigh escaped John’s lips. Maybe this had been a bad idea. I mean Sherlock hadn’t exactly been open to the idea of finding his soulmate but John could shake the look Sherlock gave him during their conversation. He looked heartbroken and that was destroying John. Maybe Sherlock’s soulmate was dead in that case this was a very bad idea. Regardless, that was something Mycroft could tell him and he wouldn’t pry any further. </p><p>Mycroft emerged from a door John hadn’t even noticed until this point and walked towards his office. The expectation that John followed him was obvious; he understood the rules of the Diogenes by now. John felt uncomfortable but tried to look unfazed. Mycroft may be able to read him like a book but this was important. <br/>“You’re here to talk to me about my brother obviously. Why else would you come here? You’re worried about him but when aren’t you. Something is different than normal. You’re uncomfortable so this is personal. Perhaps even intimate.”<br/>Damn the bloody Holmes’s they didn’t exactly make conversations easy. <br/>“Yes well, you see. I um… I had a question and a favour I guess. Umm… I didn’t think there was anyone else who could y’know. Um…” <br/>“We’re all dying of anticipation here.” Mycroft’s voice was cold and indifferent as always.<br/>“Well, you see it’s about Sherlock's soulmate. I brought it up last night and he had a very strange reaction almost heartbroken and Umm… Well, I was wondering, do you know what happened there? And could you maybe help me track them down?” John rushed out the last sentence and sighed. There he said what he needed to say. A slight crinkle formed on Mycroft’s forehead. <br/>“You don’t know?”<br/>“What? Know? Why would I know? Is it someone I’ve met? Someone close to him?” <br/>“It’s not my place to speak on this matter. Why don’t you go talk to my unruly brother about this?”<br/>“But he seems so sensitive about it and if I could just know what I’m facing then…”<br/>“Good day, Dr Watson”</p><p>John stepped onto the street more confused than before. It must be some he knew, John figured, else how come Mycroft wouldn’t tell him. If it was someone he knew then it was most likely someone Sherlock still kept in his life. Obviously, things didn’t go well between them so why would he do that. His heart broke for his friend. It must be impossible to know that the magic everyone seems to talk about soulmates will never exist for you. Know more than anything he wanted to kill the person. </p><p>But who could it be? It wasn’t Molly there was no way she’d turn him down.  It wasn’t Irene Adler she’d been bonded to her soulmate already. They really didn’t know that many people. It could be a guy he supposed. Sherlock had sort of implied he liked men when they’d first met. Lestrade? He supposed that was physically possible but he was pretty sure Lestrade wouldn’t do something like that. He’d take a soulmate responsibility completely seriously and never let his soulmate down. Oh god, what if it was someone terrible like Moriarty. I mean he had always been obsessed with Sherlock and in some ways, they were on the same slightly sick wavelength. He was pretty sure not though. At least it wasn’t something he was willing to think about. </p><p>Mycroft sat in the office of his club. His brother was an idiot. He should have seen this coming. Sherlock had always been a blind fool when it came to love or people’s perception of him. Mycroft picked up the phone. <br/>“Brother mine it seems you have made an oversight.” </p><p>Sherlock had been walking around the park for god knows how long. The cold was clinging to him. It hurt but it was good the pain was numbing. He didn’t want to feel but he didn’t want to do cocaine either it would create a vast sense of panic from everyone and he couldn’t be arsed to deal with it. His phone rang. He kicked some leaves. Wait what if it was John. He hurried his phone out of his pocket and struggled to answer it.<br/>“Brother mine it seems you have made an oversight.” <br/>“Mycroft,” he scowled, “I really don’t care. Leave me alone.”<br/>“Ah, but don’t you want to know why I called.”<br/>“Not really,” Sherlock went to hang up.<br/>“It’s about your precious John.” Fuck. Now he had to know. Mycroft really was a manipulative dickwad. <br/>“Fine, stop wasting my time and tell me.”<br/>“He came to talk to me, just now it was very interesting.” What John had been to see Mycroft? Why? Had he done something? He didn’t think so. <br/>“What?”<br/>“He asked me if I knew who your soulmate was. Almost as if he didn’t.” Fuck so he didn’t know. He was just unobservant then and had missed it but still, he didn’t want Sherlock that much had been very clear. Although if he’s a romantic maybe he was waiting for his soulmate. No. That was true. He dated so many women he was just a straight guy. <br/>“Oh,”<br/>“Oh, Sherlock, really is all you have to say. He didn’t know. That means he hasn’t rejected you.”<br/>“Yes. Well, he’s still straight and honestly he should be feeling this without knowing and he doesn’t. All the pinning is one way. He doesn’t feel anything.”<br/>“Sherlock, you idiot.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“He loves you, you fool. I don’t know what he’s said but I’m not wrong about these things.” Could it possibly be true? Was there a chance for him and John? No. John had rejected him. This was just a formality. <br/>“Thank you. Mycroft.” He hung up the phone. </p><p>John stumbled back through the door of 221 B. <br/>“Sherlock, I’m home.” He called up the stairs. No reply. Damn, he must still be pissy about yesterday. Oh well, John thought. He could put this time to good use. Write up some cases or have a look at some notes he badly needed to catch up on. But his mind kept drifting. Who was it? Next time he’s out of the house. I might have a look around for clues John thought to himself already feeling guilty about the invasion of privacy. </p><p>Sherlock’s head was still all messed up. He needed to talk to someone about this. No, he needed to talk to John about this but unfortunately, that didn’t make sense. Or did it? If this was someone else he could talk to John. Maybe he could talk to John about John and just keep John’s name out of the equation. He spun on his heel towards home. This could work. This could actually work. </p><p>Sherlock blundered in the door. <br/>“John. Are you home?” He called. <br/>“Oh, Sherlock you were out. I thought you were holed up in your room.”<br/>“No. Don’t be silly, John. Put the kettle on, we're going to have some tea and a chat.”<br/>“Um… Okay?” <br/>Sherlock slung off his coat and bounced around the room as John went into the other room to make tea. Yes, this was much better he felt calmer already. </p><p>John was slightly baffled but that was living with Sherlock. He wasn’t still upset. That was good he supposed but this behaviour was extremely odd. He peered through the crack into the living room. Sherlock was bouncing up and down like a little kid. What was this all about? Did it have anything to do with last night? Knowing Sherlock it probably didn’t. He’d probably just found a new case. Either way, John was dying of anticipation. He hurried to make the tea quickly not waiting for it to brew as usual but carrying it through to the other room to brew there. </p><p>“So you had something you wanted to talk about?” John tried not to sound too eager.<br/>“Yes.” Sherlock fidgeted.<br/>“Go on then.” <br/>“Yes. Well, you're the person I have always talked to about feelings and emotions. You help me to understand people and well recently I have found some things out and I don’t know they are confusing.”<br/>John felt a well of love for the uncertain version of his friend. <br/>“Ok. Why don’t you tell me about it?”<br/>“So you asked about my soulmate.”<br/>Oh my god. Sherlock was going to tell him what had happened. He shook slightly. <br/>“I did yes.” <br/>“Ok well, it’s kind of related to that. So um… My soulmate. Well, I did seek them out. But well they didn’t want me. At least. I think they didn’t. I was certain they had seen my mark and they have made it clear many times they aren’t interested. But it seems now they may not have seen the mark but. Well, they should still be interested regardless if they knew and I don’t know. It seems weird. What do you think they’re thinking?”<br/>“Oh Sherlock,” he had sounded so vulnerable. John wanted to pull him into a bear hug and make the world go away. <br/>“I don’t know what other people are thinking. I'm not you but it is entirely possible that if they don’t know you’re their soulmate they are interested. They may have been afraid of rejection or not wanted a relationship with anyone but their soulmate. I know it’s difficult but I think you’ll have to ask them.”<br/>“Oh. But...” Sherlock grimaced, it felt wrong to talk so openly about this how couldn’t John know it was him. He was Sherlock’s only friend. He’d fought for him over and over.<br/>“I’m scared John.” That broke John’s heart. <br/>“I know Sherlock. I wish I could take all this away for you but I can’t. If it helps they’re your soulmate. That means something. They were made to be right for you and you for them.”<br/>Sherlock raised his eyebrow. <br/>“Yes, I know it sounds silly.” <br/>There was a beat of silence. <br/>“Thank you, John.” <br/>“You’re welcome, Sherlock.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Soulmates????</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sherlock twisted the lock of the bathroom and collapsed against the door. John was so beautiful and he’d been so nice. The worst thing was he was right. Sherlock would have to tell John the truth or at least ask him if he was interested and after their last conversation that meant telling him the truth. He should have done it right there. I mean obviously, that is the logical follow up but John had been so compassionate and the idea of losing that shook Sherlock to his core. If he talked to John about it then that would mean if John didn’t want him then he would lose not only his fantasy life with his soulmate but also his best friend. </p><p>Night had begun to fall and Sherlock knew it wasn’t exactly something he would be able to sleep on but fuck. This conversation had the potential to be the worst moment of his life. <br/>“John.”<br/>“Yes?” the hesitation in Sherlock’s voice immediately put John on edge he was normally so confident.<br/>“Okay we need to talk but first I need you to do something for me. The fifth title from left to right at the top of the fireplace there is a draw that pulls out. Can you retrieve the contents and put them under your care where I cannot access them, please?” <br/>Bewildered, John made his way to the fireplace and pulled out the draw. <br/>“Fuck Sherlock this is cocaine.” <br/>“How observant John.” Sherlock couldn’t help but smirk. <br/>“It’s not funny. You’re not supposed to have this shit around you. It’s a risk if something happens.”<br/>“I know John and that’s why now you have it.”<br/>“You’re scaring me, Sherlock. What could you possibly have to say that would make you want to return to drug abuse?”<br/>“It’s what you might have to say about what I need to tell you.” <br/>John looked puzzled and mildly hurt.<br/>“If you really think there’s anything you could tell me that would make me do anything to hurt you, you don’t know me that well.”<br/>Sherlock regarded him with cold eyes. If only that were true. He knew once he revealed the truth to John that would be the end of his happy life. He would return to the nothingness of before. Only it would be worse because he would know what he would be missing out on. <br/>“John, can you sit down, please?”<br/>“Okay, Sherlock,” he said flopping onto the couch, “but you really need to spit this out. I’m worried.” Sherlock’s breath hitched and he reached for the buttons on his shirt sleeve. </p><p>Holy shit, John realised, he’s going to show me his soulmate mark. Who could it possibly be to prompt this reaction from him though? And there was the answer to his thought. Staring back at him was his mark. Sherlock was his soulmate. John’s eyes widened in shock. It made so much sense now that he thought about it. Sherlock was his everything. Meeting him had been the best thing that had ever happened to him. It also explained the trepidation in showing him of course. </p><p>The silence felt like it lasted an eternity. Fuck. Fuck. What had he done? John was horrified. Everything was ruined. Sherlock leapt away from him as if scolded. <br/>“I’m so sorry, John. I shouldn’t have said anything. I know soulmates are important to you. It must be devastating to realise it hasn’t worked for you. You deserve so much better than me. I’m so sorry John. I’ll move out. You can have the flat you won’t…”</p><p>John’s mind finally caught up to the moment and what Sherlock was saying. It broke his heart. He’d gotten caught up in the moment and let Sherlock think the worst. Shit. <br/>“Sherlock.”<br/>“Yes.” His eyes bounded up to meet John and he fell silent bracing for impact. <br/>“You’re my soulmate,” he said, dumbly. Clearly, his mouth hadn’t quite regained the ability for speech yet. Tears filled Sherlock’s eyes. <br/>“I know and I’m so sorry…”<br/>“No, Sherlock,” John took over more forcefully this time, “You’re my soulmate. All of it. It’s wonderful. It’s all real you’re perfect and you’re mine.” His voice hitched and his eye developed a sheen of tears. It was Sherlock’s turn to be gobsmacked.<br/>“You mean…”<br/>“Yes, you fool. I love you.” <br/>“Oh my god, John.” Sherlock fell into his arms. They both broke out in sobs clinging to one another.</p><p>“Sherlock, You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe this is real.” The two men had finally managed to regain some sense of composure. It was just so incredible. Neither of them could have dreamed of a better moment.<br/>“So what now?” Sherlock spoke hesitantly. It was going to be a weird road ahead but he got to be on the road with John.<br/>“Sherlock, may I take you on a date?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“Come on you’ve got to let me have this? I’ve been dreaming about the first magical date with my soulmate ever since I was little.”<br/>“I’ve never been on a date before.” Sherlock’s voice came out smaller than usual. <br/>“That’s alright Sherlock. It’ll be fun I promise.”<br/>“Yes. No, I know.” Sherlock seemed to be lost in a world of thought. <br/>“So tomorrow evening, then?”<br/>“Huh, oh umm sure.”<br/>“Okay.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Expectations and Anticipation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>John surveyed Sherlock with a warm smile as he retreated into his mind with some issue. He wanted to take Sherlock into his arms and reassure him of every little worry he had but he knew that he’d have to think it through himself. Instead, John settled for pulling him into his arms and holding him while he got in whatever was going in on his mind. </p><p>Sherlock was officially freaking out. He was going on a date with John. It was all he had hoped for but now he didn’t know what he was feeling. John dated. That’s what John did. And Sherlock… Well, it would be all-new for him. How would he know what to do? He wanted to be perfect for John. To give him everything he’d dreamed for and more but he didn’t know how to. Then there was the not so little problem of after the date. Sherlock wasn’t stupid. Nor deaf. He knew exactly what went on with John and all the women he dated. Well, not exactly but he had a pretty good idea. </p><p>God that was a dangerous thought to get hooked on. John doing scandalous things to a copious number of lovers. On the one hand, it made his blood boil. All those people with his John and on the other it… it turned him on. What would it be like when he and John were closed off behind that bedroom door. But that thought scared him. He wasn’t exactly a sexy man and he didn’t have a clue what to do in bed. John was like a sex god. By comparison, he was just pathetic. </p><p>The night felt a long one. Sherlock wiggled out of John’s arms and took a seat at the computer. Googling countless phrases he never would have expected to have any interest in and openly scorned others for using frequently. He figured it was important to have some kind of knowledge and this was the best way he could figure to do that. He’d started pretty tame, scrolling about wiki how on what was proper date etiquette but eventually his searching had brought him to the other end of the internet. Sex was still terrifying in fact perhaps more so. Anal just looked painful. He was also no closer to figuring out what John would want? It seemed different types of men wanted all kinds of different things. The conclusion Sherlock had drawn was that he would just have to be prepared for anything. </p><p>The sun streamed through the window, bringing John slowly to his senses. Last night’s revelation had been incredible. Where was Sherlock? He had seemed off-kilter last night and well this new relationship meant new things to think about. This worried John. Sherlock struggled with emotions and John wanted it to be as easy as possible. Dating was supposed to be a nice feeling. <br/>“Sherlock?”<br/>He got to his feet and walked into the other room. Sherlock was slumped over the computer making notes on a video that appeared to be well porn and not like soft nice porn either. <br/>“Good morning, beautiful.”<br/>Sherlock closed the tab and jumped to his feet. <br/>“Morning.”<br/>“Are you feeling okay after last night?” <br/>“Yes, John, thank you,” Sherlock felt slightly off-kilter, “I’m sorry after… I hadn't meant to be upsetting. I just needed to think.” <br/>“It’s okay, Sherlock. I just want to know your alright. Do you want to come to have some breakfast?”<br/>“Alright.”</p><p>John got to work in the kitchen, boiling the kettle and putting some toast in. He was still worried about Sherlock, clearly, something was getting to him but he didn’t want to push. <br/>“Can you grab the butter please, Sherlock.” <br/>Sherlock hopped off the stool and passed over the butter. He knew John was studying him. This whole thing had just started and he’d already freaked John out. Damn, this really wasn’t going to plan. Now was the perfect time to try out one of his new techniques, he realised. He wandered carefully up behind John and placed the butter on the opposite side of the bench, meaning he had to snake his body around John’s. The muscles in John’s arms seized. He stood completely still. Sherlock’s putting on the moves. It was shocking. John turned slightly in his arms and inhaled the scent of the other man’s hair. Sherlock stepped away with a rye smile. That had gone well. John had been severely affected by his closer presence. He could do this. John wanted him and well he wanted John. God he wanted John so badly. His cock twitched in interest and he coloured bright red. Fuck just standing in the kitchen with him makes me hard. </p><p>The minute John headed to work, Sherlock got stuck into figuring out just what was coming next. He’d always felt somewhat strange about sex. When he was a teenager he’d gotten caught up in the feeling but really hated how out of control it made him. Over the years it had become something that just wasn’t a part of his life but now there was John. </p><p>Sherlock took a cab into central London. He’d looked online where the best sex shop was. It claimed the largest range of toys and sex supplies in-country. Upon arrival the mere size of the shop was astounding. How could there even be this many different ways to have sex? Sherlock felt ill. He wandered around row after row flustered. <br/>“Excuse Me me, sir, can I help you?” A woman with pink dreadlocks popped up from behind the counter.<br/>“Um… yes. This is all very ah… new to me.” The woman sensed his discomfort and grabbed his hand. She spoke quietly and comfortingly it was like having a big sister. Sherlock immediately felt a little better.<br/>“Why don’t you start by telling me what made you decide to come here today?” the woman took charge of the situation. <br/>“Okay. Well. I’ve never y’know and I never planned on it but then I found my soulmate you see and he’s wonderful. Perfect. But he has so much experience and he gets these things and I… I just want it to be good for him you know.”<br/>“Oh, Darlin,” the lady spoke, her voice laced with concern, “If he’s your soulmate and he loves you it doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom he’s gonna love it.” Sherlock looked doubtful.<br/>“Alright. If you're not reassured by that we’ll get you some supplies and tricks up your sleeves yeah buddy.”<br/>“Thank you.” Sherlock felt embarrassed. This was turning out to be a steep learning curve. </p><p>John’s day had been slow and tedious. It was as though God or someone was teasing him. He could swear he treated at least 15 people for STI’s today and it was only noon but it didn’t stop the doctor’s glow of happiness. Sherlock was his soulmate. They had a date this evening. Everything was wonderful but it didn’t seem that Sherlock felt the same. The morning really plagued him. Ever since I brought up the concept of dating with Sherlock he’s been jumpy. He was also definitely watching some pretty disturbing porn this morning. It was strange he didn’t think of Sherlock as a sexual being. Well, that wasn’t quite true. He recalled many rather steamy fantasies in which Sherlock was a rather active participant. But did he really want what was in those videos? John felt confused. He and Sherlock had never talked about sex or anything like that. God, there was another uncomfortable conversation destined for their future. </p><p>Sherlock hadn’t gone easy on his wallet in the shop. He bought several different toys, lubes, videos and even a couple of costumes. Best not to leave any base uncovered huh. The shop had actually had a strangely calming effect on the detective. It had seemed so mysterious and the reality wasn’t nearly as intimidating as his imagination. Now he just had his date to look forward to and he was certain John would make it wonderful. </p><p>John stared at the clock with a sort of twisted determination as those his eyes could force the minutes over faster. The minute his shift ended he was out of there. He had a magical evening planned and he could wait to get to it. Not that he’d admit it but he had agonised somewhat over his date outfit. Sherlock always looked so smart and he didn’t want to look like he didn’t care by comparison. He bounced on the balls of his feet. Tonight was going to be amazing.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Date</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry, this is just a short one but very very sweet. Tooth rotting fluff.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sherlock,” John knocked on his soulmate’s bedroom door, “Are you ready for our date?” Sherlock threw open the door with a look of nervous excitement. John had to practically stifle a groan. The detective looked delectable. He was wearing that eggplant colour shirt. God the fantasies. John had about that shirt. <br/>“You look wonderful, Sherlock.”<br/>“Not so bad yourself.” Sherlock wore the lustful look John was sure he too was sporting. This was going to be an intense evening indeed. <br/>“So where are we going on our date?” Sherlock inquired but John gave nothing away. <br/>“Oh, you’ll see.”</p><p> The two men panted in unison as they trudged up the side of the hill. <br/>“Really, John. Where are we going?”<br/>“The top of this hill.” He replied smugly.<br/>“Why? It’s freezing.”<br/>“Yes, I am beginning to have some level of doubt in the plan.” At the top of the hill, John had set up a little canopy with a picnic blanket. He’d spent hours in his lunch break setting up the secluded spot with all the things from his romantic fantasies. There was champagne, strawberries, fairy lights bathing them in a soft glow and most importantly a telescope pointing up to the sky. <br/>“I thought since you didn’t know about the solar system maybe you never really took the time to be entranced with the night sky. I always found the stars comforting. Like we’re all under these same shimmering lights and that makes us connected…” he glanced over a Sherlock slightly nervous of his reaction. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. <br/>“God, Sherlock are you crying? I’m sorry we can do something else. I thought you’d like it.” John walked over to his soulmate and embraced him in a tight hug.<br/>“No, John. It’s perfect.” Sherlock took John’s hand and led him towards the setup. They settled on the picnic blanket, Sherlock wrapped in John’s arms. <br/>“It’s cold.”<br/>“I guess we’ll just have to find ways to keep warm.” Sherlock flinched at the innuendo. He wanted John. God he wanted John so badly but this was all new to him. John picked up on the discomfort. <br/>“Oh Sherlock, I meant hot chocolate,” He said, producing a thermos from what appeared to be nowhere. So Sherlock didn’t the terrifying sex from those videos. In fact, it seems he didn’t want sex at all. But why was he watching them? John decided it was best to let it go. </p><p>“Do you want to look at some stars, Sherlock.” The man nodded and allowed John to guide him between his legs to be seated before the telescope. <br/>“Okay, rest your eyes on there and tell me what you see.” The contact had made Sherlock feel all warm and fluffy. He peered in the telescope and gasped like a child. It seemed John caring for him turned him into a fool. He couldn’t say he minded though. It felt wonderful to be finally cradled in John’s arms. <br/>“Stars.” He whispered stupidly. John laughed. God, his laugh Sherlock thought and snuggled back into him more. John desperately tried to hide his groin from the man but all this squirming was making it a challenge. <br/>“Yes, stars but you're very smart, Sherlock. What else?” <br/>“I’m sorry, John but this is very distracting.”<br/>“Oh, do you want me to leave?’<br/>“NO!” Sherlock grabbed hold of John and pulled his arms back around him. <br/>“I like being distracted.”</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Another Awkward Conversation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They plodded down the hill in silence. John insisted on carrying down all of his supplies and holding Sherlock’s hand tightly in his, the whole time. The cab ride felt awkward and uncomfortable. Sherlock bounced his leg up and down. The date had been beautiful. Why was it so weird now? It hadn’t been what he’d expected at all. He knew John was a bit of a romantic but he’d really gone all out. So why was it all tense? John glanced over at Sherlock awkwardly. He should have kissed him when he’d had the chance. Now there was this uncomfortable barrier between their connection emotionally and the physical space they took up. </p><p>"John?" Sherlock's voice piped up hesitantly. They had made it out of the cab and were standing awkwardly in the doorway neither of them wanting to break the spell of their magical evening.<br/>
“What happens next on your fantasy date?” he spoke at basically a whisper.<br/>
John coughed, a few fairly graphic ideas floated through his mind. Did Sherlock want that though? This was all so perfect he didn’t want to ruin it. But then what he’d seen this morning suggested it was worth taking a chance on.<br/>
“Ummm… I dunno.”<br/>
Sherlock cringed. Couldn’t John see how hard he was trying? This didn’t come naturally to him. A horrible thought struck him. Maybe John didn’t even want him like that. I mean what did he even have to offer. He was inexperienced and not exactly attractive. His lungs started to ache. Struggling to suck in breaths, he felt tears prick in his eyes. God again really. Maybe Mycroft was right about the sentiment he was pathetic. John caught sight of the tears brewing in his soulmate's eyes. </p><p>“Oh Sherlock, are you crying?”<br/>
“No.” he grumbled. John was racked with guilt. This was a lot for him and he’d been looking forward to it his whole life. Of course, Sherlock was struggling. He’d been taught to hide away from love and sentimentality.<br/>
“I’m sorry. If this is too much that’s okay. We can just go inside and go back to how it was before no harm is done.” Sherlock felt a flood of panic. What?!? Back to the way things were? But they’d been awful. He’d wanted John so badly but he was forced to ignore it and be completely alone even when he was by his side. Was he really that repulsive that he’d ruined it in one night? John could see Sherlock spiralling. He shook his arm and guided him inside the house.<br/>
“Sherlock??” No response came.<br/>
“Sherlock!” John jumped himself as Sherlock came back to focus.<br/>
“I think we need to have a chat,” John said, gently squeezing his flatmate’s arm.<br/>
“I’m so sorry John. I don’t know what I did but I can be better I swear. Anything you want I’ll get it for you…” Sherlock launched into heartfelt blabbering.<br/>
“Oh sweetie no. Look at me.” John placed a hand under Sherlock’s chin and tilted his head up to make eye contact.<br/>
“You are perfect. I wouldn’t change one thing. I’m the one who should be apologizing. You were clearly unsettled through a lot of our date. I don’t want to push you into anything. I know this must be a strange adjustment.”<br/>
“Oh, John.” Sherlock sighed.<br/>
“There’s something else. Isn’t there?” John said with a knowing voice, “Something you’re not telling me.” Sherlock knew he would know if he even thought of lying.<br/>
“Um… nothing important. I just…” </p><p>Just say it, Sherlock schooled himself. John probably didn’t want to push you. He’d already expressed concern that he was taking it too fast.<br/>
“ I.. um… Intimacy.” He went bright red. Well, that was effective. What had happened to sentences? John had gone a bit pinkish too. Was that what Sherlock had been worried about. Did he really think that he was the kind of guy to pressure anyone or want things? I suppose given the treatment of his girlfriends since they had met that would make sense but didn’t he know how special he was?<br/>
“Sherlock. You know I would never expect anything. Don’t you?” Oh god, it was so frustrating. Sherlock exploded.<br/>
“No. I mean. We’re soulmates. I want to do that with you. I know I’m not the most experienced or attractive or anything but I want to try and…” Sherlock was cut off by John's lips crashing into his. </p><p>They finally broke apart panting a little for breath.<br/>
“Baby. If I’d known that this would have been a very different kind of date.” John laughed into his soon to be lover’s mouth.<br/>
“Well I tried to tell you,” he mumbled through the kiss. They got lost in the feel of each other's hungry mouths on one another's. It was calm. There was no urgency or fear of what might becoming. For once since they had first laid eyes on each other things felt right. Sherlock broke away.<br/>
“John, I umm haven’t done this before and I tried to look online but it was so confusing and the lady in the shop said it didn’t matter but I want to get it right so you might have to show me.” John’s cock throbbed at the idea of showing Sherlock exactly what he liked.<br/>
“Hold up what shop?” he was confused.<br/>
“I wanted to get some things for us.” Sherlock was embarrassed all of a sudden.<br/>
“You went to a sex shop?” John didn’t know whether to be impressed or horrified.<br/>
“I wanted to be good for you.” A growl escaped John’s lips.<br/>
“God, you are…” he cut himself off by kissing at Sherlock’s lips with renewed vigour.</p><p>“So did you buy anything at this shop?” John popper the p his voice taking off a sexy teasing tone. <br/>“Ah. A few things I wanted to have what we might need.” John’s eyebrows were at his hairline.<br/>“Will you show me these goodies then?”<br/>“I um… there under my bed.”<br/>“I guess we’ll just have to move this to the bedroom then.” John’s voice took on a sing-songy tone that was a breath short of winking dramatically. He swooped Sherlock off the ground and prowled towards the bedroom. He’d tried to keep up some of his army muscle even if he did eat a lot more freely and he was thankful for it. Sherlock let out a delighted giggle. A sound if pressed he would have sworn incapability of making.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. And it was beautiful...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Well, the tension is finally relieved. It may be a while before anything is added I haven't decided where it will go next or if perhaps this is the perfect ending - them happy together.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The men stumbled in the door and John practically threw Sherlock on the bed. <br/>“I thought you wanted to see what I got.”<br/>“Later, I want to kiss you so much more.” Before Sherlock could craft his cutting remark about being lured there under false pretences John’s lips were on his again. That taste would always be magical and calming. He wanted to stay like this forever but this time the kiss was more biting. It tingled with a promise of delightful to come. John kissed his way down to Sherlock's neck and sucked on the skin there. He nipped a little with his teeth. Everyone should know the delectable man belonged to him. All of a sudden he understood the stupid products made to accentuate your soulmate mark. Of course, you’d want everyone to see. Sherlock keened and it brought John back to the moment. His hands spread out across the man's chest and covered as much of him as they could reach. </p><p>Sherlock was getting impatient. The feel of John on him was delectable but he longed to know more. He pulled at the buttons on John’s shirt, displacing them. It popped open and he ran his hands over the silky skin reaching onto his back and pulling the shirt from him completely. Damn. He was deceptively muscley. John sniggered.<br/>“Eager are we?”<br/>“Shut up and make love to me,” Sherlock growled in response. It had been a short time getting comfortable then. He wanted this. More than he wanted oxygen to breathe he wanted this. And it was happening! John didn’t need any more telling. He resumed kissing the beautiful man and reached down popping open the buttons of his partner's shirt. His heart caught in his throat. He’d imagined this all rough and desperate but this was different. It was emotional. <br/>“God you’re beautiful,” the doctor groaned.</p><p> Sherlock fought back a chuckle. So John was still a soft cuddly bear in the bedroom. He wasn’t surprised. He was surprised however how naturally it came when they got down to it. There was no real smoothness but he wasn’t nervous or embarrassed about his fumbling. It was hard to be when John’s eyes sang a song of such adoration. Not to mention he was quite distracted. His whole life felt like it had come together. Their lips had melded together, the distinct salivary taste had dissipated somewhat and Sherlock could focus on the feel of John’s tongue digging around in his mouth. It was glorious. They were together now fully connected. At that moment Sherlock knew that he was totally fucked if he ever tried to break away from this. </p><p>John was a little more self-aware in the moment and goal-oriented. Sherlock may have completely lost himself in this moment but John would be damned if he didn’t make this the best memory the both of them would ever have. Not to mention he felt he would die if he didn’t see all of Sherlock, Right goddamn now. He went for his mate’s belt buckle and deftly started removing the remaining barriers of clothing. Fuck. It was better than anything he could have imagined and trust me he had tried imagining many times. For a moment he wished he had a mind palace so he could plaster this image on every surface and hold it with him this perfectly for the rest of his life. </p><p>Sherlock was back with him now. Their eyes locked, they lay their foreheads together for a second and just breathed. They had all the time in the world and this moment would be savoured. John’s arms were strong. The muscles from his army days were still very much alive and rippling under the smooth skin. Sherlock felt safe. It wasn’t a feeling he was accustomed to. Well, he wasn’t accustomed to any of this. </p><p>John pushed Sherlock down against the bed and laid a line of kisses down his chest. The detective's breath was erratic. It was so much. He fluttered his eyes open to the view of John crouched over him with a gleeful smile on his face. God. He groaned and snapped his eyes just again. This was heaven but in some ways, it also felt like torture. Then his soulmate engulfed him and he saw stars. It was nothing like anything. Soft mulesing spurs were ripped from Sherlock’s mouth. No. He needed to get himself under control. This was all wrong; he was supposed to be storing this precious information away forever but the pleasure was too strong. It hit him in waves. He was sure he was dying but honestly he didn’t care. <br/>“Fuck!” <br/>He broke through that final smash of pleasure. The release spurting from him in ribbons with a pressure he’d always thought impossible. It ebbed away calmly and he was returned to the moment. </p><p>Shit. That was humiliating. He swore he hadn’t even lasted a minute and poor John. There had been no warning or anything. <br/>“I’m sorry,” he croaked out. He meant it. This was supposed to be their moment. <br/>“Are you kidding?” John's incredulous voice husked. His head came up to meet his soulmates. It broke his heart. His eyes looked so sad and he turned his head away. <br/>“What do you have to be sorry for?” John tried to turn his beautiful man’s face back to meet his eyes. <br/>“Well I know I wasn’t that impressive and it was so fast and I didn’t warn you. I mean I’m sure you didn’t want a mouthful of…” Sherlock was cut off by the other man surrounding him in a tackling bear hug. <br/>“Look at me, Sherlock.” The man met his gaze shyly. <br/>“That was the best experience of my life. You have nothing to be sorry for. You have given me the greatest gift anyone could ever receive by loving me. I am so grateful you would share that side of me with yourself. If I did anything at all to make you feel inadequate I am truly sorry. And baffled because that was just… perfect.” John’s breath hitched on the last word. </p><p>He locked his lips against Sherlock’s once more. The tears rolling down their cheeks mingled together making the taste salty. <br/>“We really have gotten soppy haven’t we.” Sherlock smiled. <br/>“Mycroft would be horrified.” <br/>“Eww. You want to talk about what my brother would think of all this.” The detective slapped his mate playfully and they dissolved into giggles that melt once again into kisses.<br/>“John,” Sherlock’s tone took on a slightly more serious air, “you were so great to me and I want to help you to but um do you think you could help me.” </p><p>John’s face broke into a smile. <br/>“Well, I’m sure we can arrange something.” He took ahold of Sherlock’s hand and raised it to his mouth, smattering it with little kisses. Their gaze held one another’s this time. It was a deep hazy look neither of them thought they would ever be able to get out of their head. He tugged on the hand sliding it slowly down his body. His skin was fiery warm and Sherlock buried himself against him even further. Smiling at the hiss his lover let out, Sherlock cupped him gently. God, he was so hard. On yourself, it was one thing but on the other side, it was totally different. It was like a rock. He slid his hand enthusiastically up and down, milking him for all his work. <br/>“Oft.” John let out a hiss of pain. <br/>“Shit.” Sherlock stopped abruptly spiralling back towards self-loathing but John caught him. <br/>“You’re good just a little gentler.” He smoothed his hand out over Sherlock’s and they worked in tandem. The release was sweet and warm. John felt a bubble of calm slide over his life was perfect.</p>
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